Even the most confident, self-assured person can feel that green headed monster pop up from time to time. Jealousy – a very primal, natural human emotion that can come with a lot of shame and confusion.

Yes, there are times when your feelings of jealousy are spot on and whispering, heck, screaming at you that something is awry. And, there are also times when feelings of jealousy arise when nothing sus is actually happening. It can be difficult to discern.

Let’s dive into some points that can help you deal with jealousy:

1. Identify the root of your jealousy

Jealousy is can be symptom of underlying emotional states like insecurity, anger, and anxiety. It can also be a symptom of possessiveness, entitlement, or paranoia. When you’re in the tornado of these feelings, it can be hard hard to identify where the jealousy is coming from. Get yourself in a calm state by taking deep breaths and meditate. Reflect on your emotions and try to identify the root of your jealousy. Keep digging, excavating layer after layer. This can help you understand why you’re feeling the way you do and what triggers your jealousy.

2. Evaluate whether your jealousy is justified

Sometimes, jealousy can be a reasonable reaction to a particular situation, while other times it may be unjustified. Ask yourself if your feelings are based on real or imagined threats. Are they stemming from historical baggage or has your partner behaved in a way that has betrayed your trust/commitment? Evaluating your situation objectively can help you gain clarity on whether your jealousy is warranted or not. Unsure, find an objective, unbiased friend who can give their perspective. Focus on the facts, not your assumptions.

3. If it’s unjustified, reflect on this

Jealousy can stems from feelings of inadequacy or insecurity. It’s important to remind yourself that your partner is with you because of who you are as a person – a unique individual with many qualities that make you and your bond special. Try to focus on your strengths and what you bring to the relationship, rather than comparing yourself to others. This can help boost your self-esteem and reduce feelings of jealousy.

4. Communicate your vulnerability with your partner

Communication is an art form, and it’s helpful to express your feelings in a soft way, rather than as a hard accusation. This can help your partner understand your emotional experience and create an opening for them to support you. Be clear about what you need from your partner and how they can help you navigate your jealousy. Find ways for both of you to work together and heal the wound.

4. IF you’re feeling jealous that your ex moved on after a breakup

Feeling jealous that your ex has moved on after a breakup can be a tough experience to navigate, but it’s important to remember that it’s normal to feel this way. In fact, according to a study by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, jealousy after a breakup is a common experience for many people, with around 40% of participants reporting feelings of jealousy after their most recent breakup.

To help manage these feelings, it’s important to take practical steps towards healing from a breakup. This can include seeking support from friends or a therapist, focusing on self-improvement through new hobbies or activities, and working on building your self-esteem. Whatever you do, DO NOT STALK YOUR EX or your ex’s new partner on social media. This is much easier said than done, and to set yourself up for success, take a social media break or block your ex if you need to.

When you focus on someone else and what they have and compare to what you don’t, you waste energy that can be used feeding your inner light. The more love and investment you pour into yourself, the more the jealousy and comparison will fade.