Have you ever wondered why ending a brief romance can feel more devastating than the dissolution of a long-term marriage? As peak breakup season approaches, this phenomenon is more common than you might think.

Let’s explore the science behind why short relationship breakups can hit particularly hard.

The Chemistry of Heartbreak

What determines the intensity of post-breakup pain isn’t necessarily the length of the relationship – it’s the chemical cocktail your brain experiences during the early stages of romance.

When you’re first dating someone, your brain floods with dopamine, creating intense feelings of excitement and possibility. This chemical high makes the early stages particularly intoxicating.

Think of it like this: When a long-term marriage ends, those initial passionate chemicals have long since stabilized to a calmer baseline. But when a short relationship ends? You’re often still at peak chemical intensity.

The Disneyland Effect

Here’s a helpful analogy: Imagine relationships like a day at Disneyland. Ending a long-term marriage can feel like leaving after a full 12-hour day – you’ve experienced everything, you’re tired, and you’re ready to go home.

But ending a short relationship? It’s like being pulled away after just three rides, before experiencing all the magic you were anticipating. That unrealized potential can feel particularly gutting.

Understanding Your Breakup Stage

If you’re experiencing intense grief after a short relationship, know that you’re not alone. Common symptoms include:

• Intense emotional withdrawal
• Feelings of unrealized potential
• Heightened anxiety about what could have been
• Chemical crashes as your brain adjusts

The Shame Spiral After a Breakup

Many people feel embarrassed about grieving a short relationship intensely. They question whether they have the “right” to feel devastated when the relationship was brief or unofficial.

However, it’s important to understand that your pain is valid regardless of the relationship’s duration.

Moving Forward from a Breakup

Remember that experiencing this type of grief is normal and part of the healing process. Rather than judging yourself for the intensity of your feelings, focus on:

• Acknowledging your emotions without shame
• Understanding the biological basis of your pain
• Giving yourself permission to grieve
• Seeking support and being around people you feel safe with

Whether you’re going through a divorce or mourning a brief romance, your feelings are valid.

Sometimes it’s the weight of unrealized dreams, not the length of shared history, that creates the deepest wounds.

If you want to learn more about the science of healing from a breakup, read Amy’s book: Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart or listen to her Breakup podcast.