You’ve probably heard of the fight/flight/freeze response, which describes common reactions when we’re feeling physically or emotionally threatened or triggered.

However, there’s a lesser-known response that’s only now starting to more attention in the world of psychology: the fawn response.

According to psychotherapist Pete Walker who coined the term, the fawn response is “a response to a threat by becoming more appealing to the threat.”

The fawn response often develops in childhood when pleasing others becomes a survival strategy. If you grew up with a volatile caregiver or learned that love was conditional on keeping the peace, you might have unconsciously trained yourself to avoid conflict by people-pleasing.

How Narcissistic Partners Find Fawners

In adulthood, this pattern can show up in toxic relationships, particularly if you are involved with a narcissistic partner. Instead of setting boundaries, you might find yourself over-accommodating, apologizing for things you did not do, or putting your own needs last in hopes of maintaining harmony.

For those with an anxious attachment style, the fawn response can be especially strong. The fear of abandonment fuels a cycle of over-giving and self-betrayal. You are not just trying to win your partner’s approval, you are also trying to protect yourself from the emotional pain you associate with rejection.

Healing After Leaving a Narcissistic Ex

If you have recently left a narcissistic ex, breaking free from the fawn response is essential to healing. At Breakup Bootcamp, a healing retreat to help you get over your ex, move on after divorce and heal heartbreak, we help people identify these unconscious patterns, rebuild self-worth, and learn how to set boundaries without guilt. Through science-based workshops, therapeutic exercises, and community support, you can start replacing the reflex to appease with the ability to stand in your power.

Leaving a narcissistic relationship is not just about walking away. It is about rewiring the patterns that made you stay. When you address the root causes, such as an anxious attachment style or a history of people-pleasing, you break the cycle for good and open the door to healthy, reciprocal love.