close up photo of screaming man

Going through a breakup can be an emotionally tumultuous experience, and it’s perfectly natural to feel a wide range of emotions during this time. 

In the previous blogs, I discussed how depression happens after denial and shock.

Today we’ll be focusing on the fourth stage of the breakup process – anger. 

We’ll explore why anger is an essential part of the healing journey, how to process it healthily, and how to move towards growth and empowerment.

Understanding the Purpose of Anger:

Anger is a natural and necessary part of the healing process after a breakup. It is not a destination where you stay forever, but rather a pit stop that can indicate that you are healing. When you’re in the depression stage, which precedes anger, you may feel powerless and helpless. Anger can act as a catalyst to move you into action, enabling you to fight for and defend yourself.

Tips to help you through this phase: 

  1. Recognizing the Realities of Your Past Relationship: In the aftermath of a breakup, it’s common for people to idolize their ex-partners and put them on a pedestal, conveniently forgetting the reasons why the relationship didn’t work. To overcome this phase and access your anger in a healthy way, you can start by listing your non-negotiables – the values, life goals, and character attributes that are crucial to your happiness and emotional well-being in a partner. This exercise can help you see if your ex-partner truly met these essential criteria.
  2. Processing Anger in a Healthy Manner: Feeling anger is natural, but how you react to it can be either constructive or destructive. Avoid expressing anger in aggressive or passive-aggressive ways, as these can harm both yourself and others. Instead, acknowledge your anger and explore its source. Reflect on what it is telling you and consider if there are boundaries that have been crossed or if there are actions you need to take to protect yourself in the future.
  3. Reframing Your Mentality: It’s easy to fall into the victim role after a breakup, feeling wronged and waiting for your ex to change or apologize. However, this mindset keeps you dependent on external factors and prevents you from moving forward. To empower yourself, focus on what you can control and take ownership of your life and emotions.
  4. Addressing Betrayal: If you’ve experienced betrayal, the pain and anger can be overwhelming. While it’s normal to feel anger in such situations, seeking revenge or trying to hurt your ex will not bring you the relief you seek. Instead, try to process your emotions, learn from the experience, and practice healthy boundaries moving forward.
  5. The Power of Healthy Boundaries: Developing and maintaining healthy boundaries is essential for your well-being and relationships. Learn to identify and communicate your needs clearly, while also respecting the boundaries of others. Using non-violent communication can help facilitate difficult conversations and promote understanding.:

Experiencing anger after a breakup is natural and can play a significant role in the healing process. By understanding and processing your anger in a healthy way, you can learn valuable lessons from your past relationship and empower yourself to build a happier and more fulfilling future. 

Remember to be kind and compassionate to yourself throughout this journey, and don’t hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or professionals if needed.

Want to get over your breakup?

Get the Breakup Guide workbook The Renew Breakup Workbook will walk you through the entire process of healing from heartbreak, step by step. For only $14, the 60 page workbook is packed with tools, exercises, and templates to help you repair your heart and move forward. Get it now.