Have someone in your life who complains a lot? Or, is that person possibly… you?

All the time and energy we waste on complaining can be used towards creating a solution. The challenge however, is that we can’t recognize that we are running in circles, mistaking it for progress, only to realize we haven’t moved beyond square one.

Humans are creatures of habit. It will feel unnatural to break a pattern. So we’ll make excuses and deceive ourselves into believing that the status quo is satisfactory.

We stay in the toxic job.

Date people who appear different on the outside but wound us the same way on the inside.

Complain about the same bad friend, mother-in-law, neighbor, over and over again – yet we fail to take meaningful steps to resolve the issue.

We become professionals at justification. It’s never the “right” time to make a change. And so one year goes by. Then five. Then ten.

This happens to the best of us.

To stop running around in circles, try this:

1. Write down your current problem.

2. Write down where you want to be.

3. Write down 5-10 different solutions/actions that could help you close the gap.

4. Define your ‘parameters of success’ – specific, measurable indicators of change – to be achieved within a set time frame, ideally not exceeding a year

5. Share this with a friend, mentor or coach.

6. Commit to a consequence (one friend put $1000 on the line if she didn’t quit her toxic job by a specific date).

7. Set up a calendar invite and include your friend. The timeline and  pressure of potentially losing something, serves as an effective motivator.

But know when it’s time to quit

There are some issues that, no matter what you do, cannot change because it involves a person or something completely out of your control. In that case, there’s a point where you have to decide which path to take:

A) Remove yourself from the situation/person (whether that is taking space or exiting the dynamic)

B) Accepting the person/situation and making peace with that reality.

But continuously complaining about something you have no control over is an inefficient use of energy and only lowers your vibe. You will repel high vibe people and opportunities.

FRIENDS DON’T LET FRIENDS CO-RUMINATE

Part of building your emotional skill set requires learning the difference between “processing” and “complaining”

You might think complaining helps you “vent” to make you feel better, but this doesn’t seem to be the case.

Research shows that this process of “co-rumination” – repeatedly rehashing problems with someone without coming up with a solution, amplifies stress and can make you less inclined to actually do anything constructive about the situation.

The hardest step is the first one

One of the secret hacks I learned while becoming an author was to break the big dream of having a published book down into small, attainable steps. One blog post. One intro paragraph. One page. Whatever your big dream or great transformation you strive for is, break it down into an achievable, small first step. Then repeat. And repeat again. Eventually the steps create habit and momentum and that helps you tackle the bigger steps later on.

Maybe your first step is setting that intention and putting that energy out there! Perhaps you can even blog about your journey. =)